Monday, November 14, 2011

Four Different Ways To Survive An Awkward Conversation

Here is some more advice for you.  A friend of mine thought it would be good if I enlightened the world on how to deal with an awkward conversation.  Being a victim of these types conversations quite often, I have come up with four different techniques, each appropriate for a different occasion. 

1. Stare At The Person You Are Conversing With Until They Go Away
When in the middle of a discussion, and you realized that things have gotten a little bit awkward, just stare at them.  Either they will get the hint and leave, or they will be entirely creeped out and run towards the nearest exit.  If you find that they do not leave in the first 15 minutes or so, it might be necessary to start chanting and swaying back and forth.  If done correctly, they will be put into a trance and you will have full control over them (and with that control, you can make them go far away)

2. Stand Up On The Nearest Table And Dance
Dancing.  When done by people like me, dancing is a very awkward sport, very appropriate for equally awkward conversations.  Therefore, when in one of those situations, sometimes the best option is to quickly jump on a table (give no warning of what you are about to do) and break out your best moves.  They should join you, but if they don't I suggest that you start singing something very loudly.  Soon, everyone within earshot will be with you on that table, and you got yourself a nice little dance party.

3. Make It Even More Awkward
Sometimes it is best to take advantage of awkward conversations.  A similar opportunity would be rare to come by, so it may be a good idea to use the already awkward feeling in the room to let it all out.  What do I mean?  Well, this may be the right time to admit to the person that you are talking to that it was actually you who killed their dog.  Or that you are addicted to eating glass.  Really, any strange secret you are currently possessing would be appropriate.

4. Distract Them
The best way to execute this technique is the classic "surprise attack".  Just play along with the awkward conversation.  Then, in the middle of something that you are saying, suddenly yell something.  For example, "Yes, George, I understand but WHAT IS THAT!?!?!"  When they give you a somewhat suspicious and confused look, start telling them what you had for breakfast that morning.  And what you had for dinner last night.  And possibly what you plan on eating two weeks from tomorrow.

Those are the most effective ways to deal with an awkward conversation, I have found.  Remember that each technique is best for a different occasion, so when one of these techniques is needed, think carefully (but quickly) which one would be the best, or the results could be fatal. 

4 comments:

Kylee said...

Well,I like that advice, especially the straing one, and the dancing one.

Dude Woman said...

This is amazing. I'm pretty sure I'm going to use all these techniques whether the conversation is awkward or not. :)

emcrump said...

I like the idea of making it more awkward. Especially because I tend to do that unintentionally.

Stacey said...

ahahahahahaha i could not stop laughing (especially the part about eating glass) both disturbing and hilarious!!! i bet that these work well i cant wait to have an awkward conversation now!! thanks Madi you made my day :)

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