Thursday, November 17, 2011

In Case Of Invasion

I believe that being prepared is very important (that is coming from a girl who's family is not equipped with 72 hour kits).  Preparation in every form, dear reader, is often vital to survival.  Like, to survive a biology test, you must be prepared.  You will probably still fail it, though, even if you study for six hours (Life sucks, my friends).

You must be prepared to get lost in the wilderness.  You must be prepared to survive a grocery shopping trip with my mum (I suggest you prepare yourself by bringing a guitar on that trip).  You must prepare yourself for any inconvenient situation you may find yourself in.

Today, though, I am going to tell you about how to be prepared for an invasion.  An invasion of any sort would be unfortunate, I assume, from kidnappers to aliens.  Luckily, my room is already prepared for such an event.

I keep throwing knives on my bed frame thing.  That way, if I heard a creepy noise at night, I don't even have to move very much to arm myself.  Then when the invader crashes into my room, unaware of my ninja heritage..... WHOOSH!  He (or she) is down, and I am victorious.

I wouldn't say that my bow is the most convenient of weapons, because I have to string it every time I need it, but it is the weapon that I am most skilled at.  If I hear someone screaming, "OH NO THERE IS AN EVIL DUDE JUST STANDING THERE, KILLING EVERYONE WHO COMES CLOSE TO HIM!"  I could grab my bow, throw on my quiver (I love that quiver more than I love oxygen), and the evil man would soon be defeated.

MADI!  What if you run out of arrows?!  
Glad you asked.  That would not be a problem, I've got extras hanging inconspicuously behind my door.

I spend a lot of time at my desk.  A lot.  So if I am just sitting here, and I am like, "Oh crap, there is an invader.", I would just have to reach up and grab one of these lovely shurikens (conveniently spray painted white for easy location).  Next to it is my x-acto blade that I would use for... I don't think I will tell you what I would use it for, you would probably send me to a mental hospital.

This clear packaging tape is on the other side of my bed frame.  You see, I do not intend on killing invaders, I only wish to injure them enough that I can just securely tape them to a chair while I wait for the police to show up.

After reading this, you probably think that I am a psycho with a case of paranoia.  But someday my paranoia just might save your life.

1 comment:

Stacey said...

you were'nt kidding when you said one of your three loves was did i not know you are in fact a REAL ninja!?? i might worship you if i wasnt mormon :)

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