Monday, March 25, 2013

How To Get Rid Of People On The Phone

Have you ever been minding your own business, doing your own thing, when somebody calls you?


Well if you are anything like me, phone calls can be rather inconvenient if they are not anticipated, especially if the caller just wants to 'chat'.  Often my main goal is to end the conversation as quick as possible, so I decided to share some of my techniques for getting off the phone with you now!

Pretend you have amnesia and start calling them 'Grandma'
Unless they are your grandma, of course.  But if it is your grandma, I would be highly disappointed in you if you were trying to end a phone call with her, that is just rude!  But as for people that are not your grandmother, this technique works great.  Just ignore everything they are saying and start telling them how excited you are to go to her house next weekend and eat her delicious home-baked socks or something.  Soon they will grow weary of being addressed as someone they are clearly not, and will leave you to go console themselves with some artichokes.

Start singing everything (terribly, of course)
Claim that you are practicing for some upcoming opera auditions, and that in preparation you are going to just sing instead of talk.  At first they will be like, 'yeah dude that's cool', but when you start singing they will definitely decide that it is not cool at all, but rather high pitched, off key, nasaly, screechy, or however you decide to play this one out.  Soon they will be the one trying to get off the phone!

Just don't say anything at all
This is the one that I use most often.  Simply stop talking.  They may be offended at first, but if you keep silent they will soon figure that you are not there at all and hang up.  Then later when they say 'I think we lost connection!' you can pretend to be mad at them for hanging up on you.

Claim that you are not wearing clothes and need to go find some right now
I am also very fond of this one, and use it quite often.  Once you can't stand pretending to socialize, just interrupt and say, 'uhm.  I'm not really wearing pants and I kind of need to go find some right now.'  It works surprisingly well, because then they feel kind of awkward and are totally cool with hanging up.

Start talking in a different language
Pretty self-explanatory.  Simply start talking in a different language!  If you already had been speaking English, or whatever language the caller was speaking with you, no matter.  It is never too late!  It will take just moments for them to be fed up with you, no matter how much you try to reason with them - in a different language, of course.  Don't know a different language?  Make one up!

Say 'goodbye!' and hang up
I asked Seiji what he does when he wants to get rid of people on the phone, and that is exactly what he told me to do.  I have never tried it, but I thought I would include it because it sounds like it would work rather decently!
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Well there you have it.  No longer do you need to live in fear for your next unwanted phone call, because you will know exactly what to do!

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